And Another Thing: Dedicated To The One I Hate 

Posted by Hyatte on 01.01.2000 

Who is my favorite wrestler? This answer shouldn’t surprise you. 

You know, I really don’t have a favorite wrestler. So, after being asked for the 1000th time, I decided to answer. Even two years later, it’s more or less still the truth. 

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(originally presented June, 2000: Real Wrestling Show) 

I’m always asked who my favorite wrestler is. I don’t really have an answer to that. I like a variety of guys for a variety of reasons. 

I can tell you whom I hate. I can tell you which wrestler I despise more than anyone else in History. 

I hate Horace Hogan, Hate him, hate him, and hate him. With a vengeance, with a passion, with every fiber of my being. The guy makes me want to absolutely vomit my internal organs. For every single reason there is. I hate him because he always looks like a slow-witted child being asked to explain xy (zab) = 4 I hate him because he shaves his balding head completely, but can’t seem to keep the stubble from showing up, so he always looks like a Moron who’s trying to look cool. I hate him because he can’t seem to master the art of finish a complete statement without running out of air in his lungs and choking out the last word. I hate him because he hasn’t exhibited any desire to improve himself. 

I don’t know about his career before he first walked out on Nitro with Raven. I’m sure he trained somewhere; I doubt he trained very hard. His spot was firmly secured the moment he told his Uncle Terry what he wanted to do with his life. Hulk Hogan has long coat tails; you better believe he cleared a spot for his Nephew. 

He debuted on Nitro as “Horace Boulder”, and later just “Horace”. Bischoff quickly started him as a member of Raven’s “Flock”, a collage of talent who weren’t quite ready for a big time solo push. When one of the promotions has a Wrestler with potential, but doesn’t have any idea what to do with them at the moment, they usually pack the talent into a small stable of mid card workers until they can think of something. The Misfits are the current bunch. In ECW, Heyman created the “New Dangerous Alliance” for this purpose. In the past, the WWF had a whole bunch of “gangs” for this. The DOA, the NOD, Los Boriquas… just a pack of wrestlers, matched so that the ones with a lot of potential have to work with those without. Call it “On the Job Training”. 

Raven had a lot of potential. He was over with the crowd. His gimmick was unique, and he could work. Eric Bischoff gave him a variation of his ECW gimmick by pushing him as “Cult Leader for the Disenfranchised”. The term “Disillusioned Youth” crept up once or twice, but since Raven is in his thirties, the phrase really couldn’t be exploited. Among Raven’s Flock were potential standouts such as Perry Saturn and Billy Kidman. The Flock also had its share of losers. They were considered workers who would probably never amount to much more than time fillers. Unless the Miracle of Miracles occurs, “Reese” will never have a shirt made in his name. Do you really see Van Hammer ever working a program one on one with Sting? Of course not. But WCW was paying them, so the company has to at least try to tap their potential. No matter how futile it may be. 

So, the Flock was Raven, Saturn, and Kidman supporting a bunch of guys who will probably never go anywhere. Hey, it’s a tough racket. You could have the speed of Rey Mysterio, the power of Goldberg, and the savvy of Ric Flair… none of that matters in the least if you don’t have the charisma. You need to get the fans excited the moment you step out from backstage. Other than the top three, nobody in the Flock had ever exhibited this sort of ability. 

Which, of course, doesn’t mean a thing to Hulk Hogan. His Nephew has no charisma, is lousy on the mic, and his wrestling skills make Vince Russo seem like a Technician. He was never booed. He was never cheered either. He was just ignored by the audience. Did WCW take note? Probably. Did they do the smart thing and cut this guy loose? With his Uncle being the company’s top star? What do you think? 

I don’t know who decided that Horace should be a Face; it could have been himself wanting to follow in his Uncle’s footsteps. Maybe it was Hulk himself who sees Horace as carrying on the “Hogan” legacy? Of course, it could be Bischoff himself, showing that brilliant wisdom that has kept Nitro far below RAW in the ratings for the last two years. In either case, someone thought Horace was meant for Babyface stardom; and that’s what they did. Three times to date. They should have sat down Uncle Hulk and broke the news to him after the first attempt. It was that bad. In fact, the first two times were so lame, they were almost comical. 

The first push was the worst (funniest). After getting mistreated by Raven one time too many, Horace fought back. It was either on a Nitro or some Pay Per View, I can’t really remember. What I do remember is the Nitro segment of his big switch. Gene Okerlund called him out on the aisle for his prepared speech. This was Horace’s big moment. His “defining” moment, if you will. This is where he would show that he has the genes. This is where he shows that he is a Hogan. 

He got on the mic, and said, “Raven… I’m sick and tired of hearing your CRAAUUGHP (gasp)”. Then he did the one thing no wrestler should ever do. He looked around the crowd eagerly, with that confused look on his face, waiting for the cheers. 

They never came. 

As the weeks went on, it got worse and worse. Horace’s face turn was a total flop. WCW, in that peculiar style it’s famous for, decided to drop the idea, give Horace a few weeks off, then put him back into the Flock as if nothing happened. 

Oh, but they weren’t through yet. The phrase “lost cause” does not apply to the Hogan bloodline. Hulk wanted his Nephew to be a star. 

A few months later, they tried it again. This time, Perry Saturn initiated the Face switch by defecting from the Flock and vocally encouraging each member to do the same. He went through all of them, one by one. When it was Horace’s turn, Saturn says something to the effect of, “Horace, you are a big, strong kid. Get away from Raven and go become a Star!” Horace, who at the time was using a Stop Sign to help himself and Raven win matches, raised the Stop Sign high in the air, looked at the crowd AGAIN for those eager cheers, dropped the sign down resoundingly, and stomped on it. This time it would stick. This time… he would be a “Hogan”. 

Nope. He didn’t even make a blip on the Wrestling Radar. 

So, they tried to get him involved in the Hardcore scene for a while. I guess he didn’t like taking painful bumps, because it didn’t last. Months went by. Horace was put on the back burner as Raven left, Bischoff was fired, Russo came, Russo went, and Sullivan took over for a while. In the meantime, Hulk told WCW Live that Horace did have heart, not to mention a tragic childhood where his Father had died and Uncle Hulk was sort of in charge of him. Horace was gone from the scene for a while as even Hulk Hogan was having his problems with Paul Busch. Without Bischoff’s stroke, WCW seemed to understand that Hulk Hogan wasn’t filling those seats anymore like he used to. Those were good times for the viewer. With Hulk busy dealing with his own place in the company, he didn’t have a lot of time to get his Nephew involved. 

Bischoff came back, and brought Russo with him. Hogan agreed to do his part in giving the talented kids a shot and worked an excellent program with Billy Kidman. With Bischoff back in charge and Bischoff’s ear back within listening distance, Hogan was able to get Horace back on the scene. This time, it was acknowledged that Horace was a “Hogan” and they turned him against his Uncle. As part of the “New Blood”, he was still a Moron. Still looked confused, still had stubble around his head, and still gasped out his last words; but at least he was a part of an interesting angle. Maybe he could make this one work? Horace: The Young Heel who hated his Uncle. It had potential. 

Oh but you forget. Horace was born to be a Face! Just like his Uncle. 

So, we got the third Face push. Horace turned on Bischoff and Kidman and cleanly counted his Uncle as the winner in his last Retirement Match against Kidman at the Great American Bash 2000. This week on Nitro, he took on a newly Heeled Goldberg in the famed “Top of the Hour” Main Event. Goldberg stomped all over him, of course… but I’m sure all Hulk needs is to hear one fan cheer, then he’ll talk the Bookers into making it a much tougher match. Just one fan. That’s all it will take. 

You hear a lot about Nepotism on the Job. A Father’s proudest boast is the one where his son follows in his footstep. It’s the Ultimate Ego Trip. A sign of Virility. How much better the Trip when it’s the Nephew who can step out of the Uncle’s shadow and Blossom in the same profession? After all, they don’t share the same direct genes, those genes are diluted somewhat. Horace has Hulk’s “second hand” genes. What does that say about Hulk if Horace can succeed? It says a lot. Unfortunately, the blatant Nepotism that has been going on for far too long in front of a worldwide audience is sickening. Horace has proven time and time again that he will never be the next Hulk Hogan. There will never be a “Horace-A-Maniac” running around. David Flair has potential. Shane McMahon has potential. 

Horace doesn’t. Horace blows. Nobody seems to understand this other than the fans. 

So, if you ever ask me who my favorite wrestler is. I’ll tell you it’s someone who can wrestle. Someone who doesn’t present a half assed version of what he wants to be. Someone who knows how to work a microphone without choking out the last word. Someone who doesn’t look like a Deer caught in the headlights. Someone who should be driving Trucks for a living was it not for a rich and influential family member. 

Basically, my favorite wrestler is the total and complete Antithesis of Horace Hogan. 

Or maybe I’m talking about Ed Leslie. I always get those two confused 

This is Hyatte too.